So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
