I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
