Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
