I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
