Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
