So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
