Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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