He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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