these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
