we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Acid is not a monday night drug
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
