Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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