She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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