is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
