The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
