Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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