I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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