Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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