Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
