You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
