I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
