guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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