I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
We need to rekindle our bromance
two words: eviction party
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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