My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Farmville is her only friend.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
The Olympian is in my bed
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
