i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
