I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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