It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
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Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
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He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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