Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
