the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
