Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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