You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
