I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
