Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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