Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
