just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
