***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
