please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
