Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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