I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Come see our sink grown plant.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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