Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
