I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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