I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize