Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
