ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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