Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
