can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
