I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
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Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
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that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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