It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
