I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
