Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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