I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
