i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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