nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
