For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Houston, we have a blender
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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