i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
