dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
