Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
