where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
