I just saw a hot homeless man
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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