Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Randomize
