Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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