You just made me feel so damn special
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
