remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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