Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
