She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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