Just cropdusted the office
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
