Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
