the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
