Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Reggie can tackle my bush.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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