I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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