i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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