So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
ugly people sure do ruin things
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
