I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
