he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize