If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
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Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off