I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
