He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
