I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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