we have pet lesbian snakes
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
