there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize